Posted by Gabe on August 31, 2010 under Family | 
I really never thought I would be writing this, unless it was a posthumous note about our dog Pablo. I have sent out many pictures of him, wrote a blog post about him until 3AM and all in all loved him very much. Despite the physical damage he has done to our home, the “accident” stains when he gets nervous, and the knowledge that at any time during the night it would be my turn to sleep with him in the storage room if an unexpected thunderstorm appeared, we were all resigned to the fact that we would keep him through thick and thin. That is, until two days ago. Sunday was a beautiful day and my wife Michelle was reading a magazine out on the deck with the three dogs. I was finishing up some work in my office. Sadly I couldn’t hear what was going on until I heard MaryMargaret scream. I rushed to see what happened and apparently Charlie and Pablo, the two males, got into a big fight on the deck. We normally sequester them, but this was just one of those things. There was a noise inside the house and all three dogs converged on the door which started the row. Michelle screamed at them to stop. This normally works but did not on this occasion. Without thinking she stepped in to try and break it up and Pablo bit her in the leg.
Now we know it wasn’t his fault but we also realized that we were putting our daughter in danger by having these animals coexist with each other. What made matters worse is that yesterday morning Pablo charged Michelle (playfully) and knocked her into the wall. (He gets excited when it’s time to eat.) This is the second time he has done this; the first time resulted in a fall halfway down the stairs.
We really felt we could deal with him but he is just too big and boisterous for us to handle, especially considering we have two other large dogs similar to (albeit better behaved than) him. I put a call into the breeder we rescued him from and she agreed she would take him back. This is devastating for us as we truly love that dog, but we know it is best for him, and for our family. It was heart wrenching for me to see MaryMargaret crying in her bedroom last night as she held a picture of Pablo in her hands. ”Why can’t you give him back five years from now?” she asked me.
Today I have the unenviable task of meeting his owner at a point halfway from both of our homes — three hours from here. I know how much she loves him too so I know he will be cared for. But that is little solace for us. Goodbye Pablo, we will never forget you.
UPDATE: 8/31/1- 3:00 PM. I just got back from dropping Pablo off. It was tough to leave him but his former (and new) owner is going to keep him and show him as a veteran. We might even get to cheer him on when he competes in Frederick in February. They are also about to purchase a farm, so I’m confident that Pablo will be comfortable and well taken care of. One of Pablo’s signature moves was to jump up on the couch then lean on you until he is almost laying on your lap. That was the first thing Charlie did to me when I got home and he’d never done that before in his life. Ok that’s a bit eerie but I think it’s a good kind of eerie.
Posted by Gabe on July 14, 2010 under Family |
It’s 12:35AM. I am currently in one of the most difficult and awkward situations I have been in for quite some time, both physically and emotionally. You see I am in my basement. Not just any part of my basement. Not the finished part. Not the part we spent so much time, effort and money on. No, I’m in a storage area with half the room filled with junk. The only light I have is the light shining from my Droid’s screen. I’m sitting on an old outdoor lounge chair mat covered with a blanket. And I plan to be here all night, awake. Now you must be thinking I am making this up or exaggerating for effect. I wish I were. I haven’t even gotten to the good part yet. I’m not alone. Not only am I saddled with the fact that I am writing a blog post fat-fingering my Droid keyboard, but I also have a leash in my left hand. It’s attached to Pablo, the 110 pound Bernese Mountain Dog we rescued about 8 months ago. He is panting frantically and has been for the last hour. You see we recently discovered that he is scared to death of thunderstorms. Normally they pass through quickly but I checked Intellicast and it looks like we are in for an all-nighter. So how did we end up here? Well I was awakened by him trying to crash through my bedroom door. I was unaware that my wife was already up and had cleaned one round of pee that he left on the landing. This we have learned is a nervous reaction he suffers from when he gets scared. It was clear that one of us had to stay up with him. The flashes of lightning bouncing off the walls were causing him to pace nervously through the house and crash through doors by using his head as a battering ram. It was clear to us that upstairs was not the solution. We have also learned that sequestering him in a room doesn’t work as he has torn up the carpet and underpadding of our bedroom while trying to break free. Outside was definitely not an option because of the impending weather. The garage was a consideration but due to the fact that there were things he could get into that would harm him it was ruled out as well. So that left the storage room. We felt he had to be supervised so here we are.
It’s now 1:17AM. Since we are in a remote corner of the house away from windows I can say that Pablo is calming down a bit. If I move about he’ll start panting nervously again. I am doing my best to ignore him as I have been told by several sources this is the correct response to be administered so the dog won’t feel that I too am scared. But it actually appears that if we are spared loud claps of thunder, I may have a shot at getting some sleep at some point. That’s if I can sleep. I not only have Pablo to deal with but I have my conscience as well. You see, we really don’t know what to do with him. We have been through this several times and the bottom line is that we are ill-equipped to handle him. We have two other Berners and he fights with our other male Charlie so they must be separated at night and when we are not home. But we simply don’t have an answer to this problem. We have given him drugs which knocked him out for a while but then he would have trouble getting up. We gave him Melatonin (recommended by our vet) earlier which had little if any effect. Bach Flower remedies haven’t worked. We have been down this road several times and it always leads to a dead end. I see no other solution than to give him back to his original owner. Now when we “rescued” him he didn’t come from a bad place. He came from a breeder who simply wanted to rehome him after a life in the show ring. He is actually quite accomplished having been in the top five of his breed at Westminster. He is actually a wonderful dog. He captures the hearts of all who meet him. I have told anecdote over anecdote about the crazy things he has done. But as I write this I wonder if our time with him will soon come to an end.
It’s 1:43AM and the battery on the Droid is doing quite well. Pablo is now fast asleep. When we were all discussing this upstairs I felt we had no choice but to give him back. Now as I sit here typing this journal into my phone I’m wondering if we can’t somehow make this into a room where he can go when the weather gets bad. We already know he can break out of his crate. He’ll need something much sturdier. Maybe if I can just sleep on that thought…
The Droid struggles to light up the area which somehow seems appropriate.
2:53AM. Still haven’t been able to sleep. There are short bursts of relative quiet followed by longer periods of panting. I am at a loss. I really don’t know what to do with him. What kind of message does this send my 11-year-old daughter if we give him back? That’s it’s OK to discard your animals if they become inconvenient? I’ve always felt disdain for people who get their animals from the shelter only to return them some time later. I have neighbors who did it twice until they finally settled on the third dog and I remember the resentment I felt towards them. Now maybe I will have a little more tolerance especially since I did not experience what they did. And I think about Pablo — poor guy. I’m sure he’s not happy about this either. Will he be better off back at the breeder’s with seven other dogs staying in his kennel in the garage all day? Am I off-loading our problem on someone else? This is very difficult. The time that we locked him in our bedroom and left the house for a number of hours was the worst. Although the weather was beautiful when we left, a thunderstorm moved through the area at some point. He tried and tried to get out of the room by tearing up the carpet and under-padding next to the door. There was blood all over the area as he must have also had to deal with the carpet staples somehow. So this isn’t just about protecting the house. We also have to keep him safe.
10:30AM. Sometime after 3AM we both did finally get to sleep. When I awoke I had no sense of what time it was because the room was still dark. It was 7:15. The storm was over. I fed the dogs and went up to the glorious comfort of my own bed.
Creating a Safe Room
Bad things are always at their worst when they are happening. Now it’s the next day. Pablo is asleep and I am at the computer in my office. All is right in the world again. When I came out of the bedroom I noticed that my wife was crying and she had canceled her plans for the day. She believed that the only solution we had left was to give him back. I’m glad I slept with him down there. It wasn’t so bad. All we need to do is clean out the junk and put in some kind of kennel which will protect him. And yes because we are wimps we will have an air mattress next to it to make sure he doesn’t harm himself during nights like the one we just had. So that’s the project for today. It looks like at least for now Pablo’s visa has been extended for a while.
So why did I write this? I did it as it happened because 1) What else was there to do? and 2) It may have been the catharsis I needed to help me get over what we were dealing with. If you or someone you know has had a similar experience we’d like to know about it. Any other solutions we haven’t thought of would be welcomed also!!
UPDATE 7/15/10: Thanks so much for everyone who has supported us during this difficult situation. Since this post can be a potential resource for others I would like to share Rida’s experience with the “Thundershirt”. We are going to try it as well. Here is her post. And just FYI last night was blissful – a whole night in my bed with no interruptions! How we all take things like that for granted…
Posted by Gabe on May 28, 2010 under Family, Just for Fun |
I was startled suddenly at 12:15 this morning to the sound of our security system. Now normally when this happens it’s because one of our three Bernese Mountain dogs needs to go outside in the middle of the night and one of us forgets to turn off the alarm. This situation was different, however. My whole family was accounted for upstairs. For some reason I was still not phased, because I found it difficult to believe that someone would break in when we have three huge dogs inside. If there was someone there they were probably scared off by the alarm anyway. The security company called. “Our system says that your kitchen door was tripped. Do you need the police?” At this point I was still trying to get my bearings. To be sure I asked them to come.
I went downstairs to find our newest rescue Pablo panting frantically by the kitchen door. Had he seen something? No, I thought. This is just the result of him being scared to death of thunderstorms. It was extremely windy at this point and thunder was clapping as if someone up there had just brought the house down. We discovered Pablo’s neurosis for thunderstorms the last time one happened. In the interim we had purchased a Bach Flower remedy for him (yes they have holistic soothers for dogs). Apparently my wife had given him a dose before bed. It definitely wasn’t working.
Pablo is five years old.
The police came and asked me why I didn’t just tell the security company it was a mistake. I told him I just wanted to make sure so he politely checked out our back yard. Since I found Pablo by the same door that was tripped, I just imagined he tried to do something to get out in a fit of hysteria, so he must have been the culprit. Poor guy.
So at this point it’s 12:45 AM and we have a frantic dog on our hands. ”More Bach Flower remedy!”, we thought. Too bad he was so beside himself he would not take in any food. Unfortunately there is no simple solution to this. We put him in his crate before the police came just in case they wanted to come inside. He has somehow learned that if he rams his head hard enough against the door of the cage, he can bend the frame and get out. How about the garage? Michelle said no as there is “too much stuff he can get into”. I was slowly realizing what must be done. “You guys go to bed and I’ll handle it.” So I took Pablo in the master bedroom alone (I also brought in Lily our #2 Berner hoping that would comfort him) and tried locking him in the bathroom. I was pretty sure that wasn’t going to work, as I could still hear the panting through the door. And besides, he was panting not for the fun of it, he was scared half to death. Poor guy. After a few head butts at the door (I bet if I let him go at it he would have broken the door down) I let him back in and turned on the TV. He immediately jumped up on the bed and sat on my leg. He had to be close to me. I was afraid I had the TV up too loud as it had to be raised so I could hear it over his panting. He was breathing so hard and fast that I felt I had just put a quarter in one of those old vibrating hotel beds. (I know. Sadly most of you are too young to get that reference.)
So this would finally give me a chance to watch the Jimmy Fallon show. I am never up this late any more. Sadly I was a bit disappointed as it was just plain boring. That is except for when the animal guy took a live badger and pretended to have it attack Jimmy’s face. His expression and reaction were just too funny. I spend the next hour or so flipping channels and waiting for the storm to die down. Eventually it did and we all drifted off to sleep.
So this morning I put an ad on Craigslist: “Lovable, well adjusted, laid back dog needs a good home…” No I didn’t. We all love that dog. He sure keeps it interesting around here.
"They FINALLY let me drive!!"
Posted by Gabe on September 1, 2009 under Family |
Back in the late 70′s or early 80′s (not sure of the exact time) I joined the Big Brothers and Big Sisters of America. At this point I can’t remember my motivation for doing so, it was just something I wanted to try. I was in my early to mid 20′s at the time. My sister’s husband had done it and I guess that’s how I found out about it. Anyway I do remember telling the people in the organization to “go easy on me.” After all I had no training and selfishly didn’t want a boy I thought might be too difficult for me to handle. It wasn’t long after that that I met my new little brother whose name was Billy. He was my nephew’s age and for that reason I took them both out on several occasions. But for the most part when we would go out it would be just Billy and me. He was always polite but didn’t have much to say. I wasn’t much better as I had no real skills for this kind of thing. As I look back on it I was not very inventive with our get-togethers – it would usually be lunch and a movie. I never really could tell if I was having any impact, or for that matter if he ever really enjoyed our visits. After all, he was a boy who just wanted to be a teenager. I also remember that the BBBS organization did do right by me – I never felt that Billy really “needed” a big brother. His mom did such a great job that she gave him all the parenting he could ever want or need. So I was off the hook for any responsibility. Nevertheless I do remember enjoying his company. I attended a few of his football games. It was when he got hurt during a game once that I realized how much I really cared for this boy. I stood over him with tears that I was trying to hide as he lay there wincing in pain. I asked myself if it’s this bad now what will I do with my own children?
I distinctly remember that I initiated all of our meetings. For some reason I thought I would be teaching him something if I stopped calling him. He would learn that it was his turn to call me. This would teach him a valuable lesson, I thought. I was wrong. He never called and of course I was too proud. We lost touch. He was just a kid that needed some guidance and I didn’t know how to give it to him.
I’m not sure but I seem to remember I had been seeing him for about three years or so before I stopped seeing him. I always regretted how it ended. Stupid – I thought. He had a dad who left him and now his big brother did the same thing. He was a normal teenager and I was an immature 20 something. Over the years I would think about him – wonder how he was doing. I would make small efforts to find him with no result. And then it happened. Just a couple of weeks ago I thought of him and wondered if I could find him on Twitter or Facebook. His last name was not that common, but common enough that there would be others. No luck on either platform. Then I tried Google. I got a few hits. One led me to a company in Gaithersburg that had a person by that name. There was an email address…
The response came: “Hey Gabe, I was that bratty kid that you used to put up with…” Wow!! I never even thought it through – what if I actually did find him? What then? But the feeling was much more amazing than I ever imagined. Our first conversation was on the phone – we spoke for over an hour. It was weird hearing his voice that had changed so dramatically since the last time I heard it. I could honestly say that we had more dialogue in that time than in the previous three years we knew each other. We met today for lunch. It was so cool to see him – he looks great and (no thanks to me) turned out wonderfully. He has three kids of his own that he obviously dotes on and adores. It seemed that the whole time we were holding back the words as they were coming out so fast and there were so many more right behind them. After two quick hours we felt it best to stop as we both have jobs, but I knew we could have just kept going and going. I am so glad I reached out to him. His oldest son plays hockey which is a sport I am crazy about. His daughter is MaryMargaret’s age. I can’t wait to get the kids together. I so look forward to resuming this relationship – I just hope I don’t mess it up again.
I write this post for two reasons. The first one is because it is cathartic for me to write about stuff like this. After all, this kind of thing doesn’t happen every day. The second reason is to offer a very positive reconnection story. If there is a reader out there who is in a similar situation and always wondered what it would be like to reconnect with someone, here is a great example. I know that all stories won’t turn out this way, but what would have happened if I didn’t make the effort? Nothing. With all the negativity that faces us these days, savor the connections you have with important people in your lives.
Posted by Gabe on June 10, 2009 under Family, Non-Profits |
Greg w/ Kids from Mityana
I am going to deviate a bit from my normal type of post. My usual fare is dedicated to Kids Are Heroes, Twitter or something to do with our dogs and family. This time I am going to discuss my brother Greg and one of the organizations he is associated with which is SCAW (Sleeping Children Around the World).
Quite a few years ago my brother had a life changing event which affected his entire outlook. He had always been associated with social work as a vocation, but in the end that did not prove fulfilling to him. He discovered his true passion, and that is traveling around the world to serve others. For years beyond my count he has helped build homes for indigent people with Habitat for Humanity in every corner of the globe. His latest venture is just coming to an end – in fact as I write this he is in the midst of a 15 hour flight home. He visited Uganda where he helped SCAW deliver 6000 bedkits to needy children.
From the website of SCAW.org:
“Sleeping Children Around the World (SCAW) donations provide bedkits to children of any race and/or religion who will benefit the most; typically being located in underdeveloped and developing countries. No portion of a bedkit donation is spent on administration — 100% reaches a needy child. Each *$35 donation (Canadian funds) provides a bedkit that consists of a mat or mattress, pillow, sheet, blanket, mosquito net (if applicable), clothes outfit, towel and school supplies. Bedkit contents vary from country to country depending upon local needs. Since its founding by Murray and Margaret Dryden in 1970, SCAW has raised over $20 million to provide bedkits for over 900,000 children in 33 countries. In 2009 we will reach our millionth child.”
One of the keys here bears repeating: “No portion of a bedkit donation is spent on administration — 100% reaches a needy child.” This is critical (and highly unusual) because people who donate to this organization can be assured that all their money is going to the desired purpose.
When Greg is at home he helps cancer patients by driving them to their treatments and connects with hospice patients in a way that can only be seen to be believed. Due to his somewhat shy and introverted nature he would more than likely be mortified that this is being written about him, but I will just ask him to “get over it” because at the same time he is getting more exposure for his organizations. He and I often discuss reasons for doing things such as this. For him it is food that provides spiritual sustenance for him every time he does it. He is not independently wealthy and must fund these trips himself. As a matter of fact I don’t know how he manages. He did tell me that if he had a sponsor he would make several more trips per year. If this post touches you and you know of someone who is in the position to help fund some of his trips, please contact me here.
Many people have said very nice things to me about our efforts with Kids Are Heroes. What makes Greg different is that he puts himself at risk each time he does this, traveling to places where diseases are more prevalent and where kidnappings are not uncommon. This is something I do not believe I could ever do. Most everything I do is from the relatively luxurious comfort of my own home. I would love nothing more than to be able to be the catalyst that helps him do more of what he is passionate about. Greg is indeed a real hero.
UPDATE: 06/12/09 Well now Greg has returned home and has written a report of his experiences. A very powerful read:
SCAW UGANDA DISTRIBUTION JUNE 2009
by Greg O’Neill
“While we try to teach our children all about life,
Our children teach us what life is all about”. – Angela Schwindt
Imagine the joy and exhilaration of being greeted so enthusiastically by a sea of 500 smiling children dressed in brightly colored tee shirts of red, green, yellow and orange all cheering, chanting and clapping as the SCAW team approached them for 12 times over 10 consecutive days! Each day we had a distribution was a true adrenalin rush for each of the SCAW traveling volunteers.
On one of the early distribution days, I approached an open truck loaded with children, parents and bed kits as they were preparing to return to their villages. One boy wanted to share his feelings with me while at the same time representing all the other children on the truck when he said with a broad smile “we are very happy.” He then went on to ask me if it were possible for him to go to Canada. I told him that he certainly could provided he stayed in school and worked very hard. He then asked me “are there any dark people in Canada?” He seemed quite satisfied when I told him there were many Ugandan people living in Canada as well as people from almost all of the countries of Africa. His next question was “what kind of food do you have in Canada?” When I answered we had beef, chicken, goat, rice, potatoes and cassava as well as pineapple, watermelon and bananas he seemed quite overjoyed. As the truck pulled away amid cheery good-byes and high fives, I couldn’t help but feel that in addition to providing a good night’s sleep to the 6,015 children who received bed kits, we may also have provided those same children with a beacon of hope for a bright future.
Another highlight of the trip for me was spending two weeks with the members of the Inner Wheel Club of Kampala. They are clearly an amazing collection of ‘angels’ who worked tirelessly and seamlessly not only on behalf of the children, but also making sure that the experience of the SCAW team was as enjoyable as it was comfortable. To them I extend my deep thanks and gratitude for their warm, gracious and generous hospitality and especially for their friendship.
Last but not least, I would like to express my thanks to each and every donor who contributed bed kits for this distribution. It was a joy and a privilege to represent you and present your gifts to these children and their very appreciative families. Endless expressions of their gratitude were conveyed to us every day through their smiles, their gestures and their “thank yous”.
As we leave Uganda having completed the distribution, the faces of the children and the gestures of gratitude from the children, their families and members of the community at large are indelibly etched in my mind and my heart. I will return to Canada with humility, a profound respect for the people whose lives have touched ours and a deep appreciation for all that we have waiting for us back home.
(Extremely well put. Now I know where the lion’s share of the brains ended up in my family…) I spoke to Greg on the phone today and the conversation was very inspiring. It had me dreaming of joining him on one of these missions someday…
Posted by TeamCharlie on October 8, 2008 under Family |
Family Picture circa 1982
I was born in a little town in Ontario near Ottawa. When it was my turn to arrive on this planet six other brothers and sisters had preceded me. When I was growing up I thought of my family as one with very few “issues”. My parents stayed together, all the kids went to college – to me that was normal. I am thinking now that when we grow up do we all see our family as “normal”? I expect so. As we get older we discover the skeletons in each other’s closets, but hopefully as a family we can still remain together. I thought that would be the way with my family until I die, and I fully expect to be the last one to go. After all I was the last one here, so it’s only fair, right? Recently though for some unknown reason my oldest brother decided to disown us all. My parents have both passed, so he figured that he would receive no flak from them, and there would no longer be an occasion that he would have to run into us. This was a bizarre shock to us all when we first heard it, because despite all of our “skeletons” we all feel that we are a close family. There was no real formal announcement either. One of my brothers discovered this from a casual phone conversation that happened over a year ago. We all made our attempts to make peace with no results. He wouldn’t even tell us the reason. Over the year clues started to rise, one being the fact that my alienated brother is a staunch Republican to say the least. We all knew about the fact that he is right wing but we discovered through his children that his views (in his mind) are so incompatible with all of ours that he felt it easier to not have any contact with us. Hmmm… It is so weird to me to realize that I have laid eyes on my brother for the last time and the reason seems to be solely political. Now I would not classify myself as being far left, far right or far anything but to me that doesn’t matter in the least. Family matters. I now have to explain to my nine-year-old daughter the reasoning behind this schism when I have always told her that family is the most important thing in life. With the economy crumbling around us and terrorists trying to bring our country down, the one thing I figured I could count on was my family. Life can be challenging sometimes.
My two oldest brothers
