Finding a Lost Brother

Posted by Gabe on September 1, 2009 under Family | Read the First Comment

Back in the late 70′s or early 80′s (not sure of the exact time) I joined the Big Brothers and Big Sisters of America.  At this point I can’t remember my motivation for doing so, it was just something I wanted to try.  I was in my early to mid 20′s at the time.  My sister’s husband had done it and I guess that’s how I found out about it.  Anyway I do remember telling the people in the organization to “go easy on me.”  After all I had no training and selfishly didn’t want a boy I thought might be too difficult for me to handle.  It wasn’t long after that that I met my new little brother whose name was Billy.  He was my nephew’s age and for that reason I took them both out on several occasions.  But for the most part when we would go out it would be just Billy and me.  He was always polite but didn’t have much to say.  I wasn’t much better as I had no real skills for this kind of thing.  As I look back on it I was not very inventive with our get-togethers – it would usually be lunch and a movie.  I never really could tell if I was having any impact, or for that matter if he ever really enjoyed our visits. After all, he was a boy who just wanted to be a teenager. I also remember that the BBBS organization did do right by me – I never felt that Billy really “needed” a big brother.   His mom did such a great job that she gave him all the parenting he could ever want or need.   So I was off the hook for any responsibility.  Nevertheless I do remember enjoying his company.  I attended a few of his football games.  It was when he got hurt during a game once that I realized how much I really cared for this boy.  I stood over him with tears that I was trying to hide as he lay there wincing in pain.  I asked myself if it’s this bad now what will I do with my own children?

I distinctly remember that I initiated all of our meetings.  For some reason I thought I would be teaching him something if I stopped calling him.  He would learn that it was his turn to call me. This would teach him a valuable lesson, I thought. I was wrong.  He never called and of course I was too proud.  We lost touch.  He was just a kid that needed some guidance and I didn’t know how to give it to him.

I’m not sure but I seem to remember I had been seeing him for about three years or so before I stopped seeing him.  I always regretted how it ended.  Stupid – I thought.  He had a dad who left him and now his big brother did the same thing.  He was a normal teenager and I was an immature 20 something.  Over the years I would think about him – wonder how he was doing.  I would make small efforts to find him with no result.   And then it happened.  Just a couple of weeks ago I thought of him and wondered if I could find him on Twitter or Facebook.  His last name was not that common, but common enough that there would be others.  No luck on either platform.  Then I tried Google.  I got a few hits.  One led me to a company in Gaithersburg that had a person by that name.  There was an email address…

The response came: “Hey Gabe, I was that bratty kid that you used to put up with…”  Wow!! I never even thought it through – what if I actually did find him?  What then?   But the feeling was much more amazing than I ever imagined.  Our first conversation was on the phone – we spoke for over an hour.  It was weird hearing his voice that had changed so dramatically since the last time I heard it.  I could honestly say that we had more dialogue in that time than in the previous three years we knew each other.  We met today for lunch.  It was so cool to see him – he looks great and (no thanks to me) turned out wonderfully.  He has three kids of his own that he obviously dotes on and adores.  It seemed that the whole time we were holding back the words as they were coming out so fast and there were so many more right behind them.  After two quick hours we felt it best to stop as we both have jobs, but I knew we could have just kept going and going. I am so glad I reached out to him.  His oldest son plays hockey which is a sport I am crazy about. His daughter is MaryMargaret’s age.  I can’t wait to get the kids together.  I so look forward to resuming this relationship – I just hope I don’t mess it up again.

I write this post for two reasons.  The first one is because it is cathartic for me to write about stuff like this.  After all, this kind of thing doesn’t happen every day.  The second reason is to offer a very positive reconnection story.  If there is a reader out there who is in a similar situation and always wondered what it would be like to reconnect with someone, here is a great example.  I know that all stories won’t turn out this way, but what would have happened if I didn’t make the effort? Nothing.  With all the negativity that faces us these days, savor the connections you have with important people in your lives.