First Visit to Aunt Mary

Posted by TeamCharlie on July 10, 2008 under Wags for Hope | Be the First to Comment

Yesterday I had the wonderful opportunity to make a nursing home visit with Charlie and my family. This was different from our usual fare, since the nursing home, Regina Nursing Center, was three hours away in Norristown, PA. This is where my Aunt Mary is living now – she will be 98 years old in September. Ashamedly we haven’t seen her in over 20 years, for reasons I won’t go into here. She is the “last one standing” of my parents’ siblings and spouses. When we arrived, she was at lunch so some of the other residents got to meet Charlie. When we finally tracked her down I asked her, “Are you my Aunt Mary?” Her quick wit came back at me and said, “That depends… Who are you??” The nursing home was very nice and had no noticeable odors which I was thankful for my aunt’s sake. Her mind is all there – she is still as sweet, laid back and funny as I remember her. She is just a tad slower and a bit hard of hearing. Because of arthritis in her knees, she is confined to a wheelchair.

The nursing home has a day room that is similar to the ones in our area. Many of the people in there suffer from dementia and it seems like the day room is nothing more than a place to store them. My aunt had requested not to be put in there with the rest of them as it is depressing for her. She does have one roommate, who keeps her awake at night talking to herself. Rather than be angry at her she doesn’t mind because she is thankful she is not in her situation. Interestingly enough, she has only been in the nursing home for a year. I asked her if she had any friends there and she said she has met a few but her real friends were elsewhere. I really got the sense that she felt she did not “belong” there. She is so proud of her real home and talks about it a lot. One of her nephews is staying there now. She moved into that new house when she was three years old back in 1913. I got the feeling that she would give anything to live back at her home on East Rambo St. The visit was by no means bitter, however. She was indeed glad to see us and she got a big kick out of Charlie licking her fingers. She enjoyed MaryMargaret’s cartwheels and the fact that MM was laying on the floor using Charlie as a headrest. She politely asked if she could borrow the scrapbook and poster we brought so she could show her nephew – she didn’t realize we made them for her. We talked a lot about her husband George (my mother’s brother) who used to use an inordinate amount of toilet paper when he went to the bathroom for some reason. He would almost laugh himself into a seizure when he watched the “Benny Hill” show. She talked about her teaching days when she used to teach the third grade. She even had an historic book about Bridgeport PA that had her picture in it. She talked about my dad and her brother being in the same class together in West Catholic High School and they didn’t really know each other. We talked about the time she and my Uncle George visited us in Florida about 30 years ago. I was tending bar at a new upscale restaurant so my parents brought Mary and George to eat there. My dad ended up getting thrown out because he lit up a cigar.

The point of all this is that I was reminded how important these people are that we visit. I asked my aunt what she would have been doing had we not been there. She said that they have entertainment from time to time – people come in and sing, etc. I got the sense that she would just have been happy to stay in her room until it was time for dinner. She even told us that when she watches TV she has the sound muted because she doesn’t want to disturb anyone. These are real people with real histories and real families. We must never forget that. Aunt Mary has the incredible fortune to have a nephew and his family living nearby that visits a lot and protects her. They even wash her clothes because if not many articles get “lost”. We all know that this is a rare situation to have family visiting so often. Yet I still felt bad when we had to leave. She asked us, “Will you come back?” and of course we said yes. We plan to go again before the summer is out. I just wish she had a group like Wags for Hope nearby that would visit her. Never forget the importance of what you all are doing. Being able to have an intelligent conversation with someone – even just a visit from an animal is absolutely priceless. I think I always knew that – the difference was that yesterday I felt it.